A bunch of years ago, I was waiting for a friend in a White Bear bar when some drunk sidled over to me and asked, “What about them Vikings today? We really whipped up on the Bears didn’t we?”
I sort of grunted, which he took for agreement and he went back to staring into his beer bottle and I found a table, a safer, less idiotic place to wait for my friend. The “conversation” pretty much baffled me, though. Who was the “we?” No chance that sot had anything to do with winning a pro football game.
Politics have become as inane as pro football fans. People actually cheer for Donald Trump, as if he is performing some kind of sporting act in his jibbering reality show tactics. They even shout “Go team Trump!” and call him their “fearless leader.” It’s a freak show out there. Frank Zappa predicted all of this in 1973 with “I’m the Slime.”
I am gross and perverted
I'm obsessed 'n deranged
I have existed for years
But very little has changed
I'm the tool of the Government
And industry too
For I am destined to rule
And regulate you
I may be vile and pernicious
But you can't look away
I make you think I'm delicious
With the stuff that I say
I'm the best you can get
Have you guessed me yet?
I'm the slime oozin' out
From your TV set
You will obey me while I lead you
And eat the garbage that I feed you
Until the day that we don't need you
Don't go for help . . . no one will heed you
Your mind is totally controlled
It has been stuffed into my mold
And you will do as you are told
Until the rights to you are sold.
H.L. Menken wasn’t off an inch, except in claiming this was a flaw in “democracy,” something the United States constitution was designed to prevent at all costs: “As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.” I guess it must be true that Trump represents the shriveled “inner soul” of his fans and cohorts, but it wasn’t democracy that put Trump into office, it was the flawed republic concept and the Devil’s contract also known as the Electoral College. A democracy requires a faithful execution of “one citizen, one vote” and our system fails that test and has at least three times in the nation’s history.
A lot of people have been amazed at how impossible it has been to penetrate the tiny, locked-down minds of Trump’s cult members with the usual tools: logic, facts, and rational argument. Try convincing a Packers or Steelers fan that their team “ain’t the greatest” and you’ll find yourself in exactly the same kind of argument as with a Trump fanatic. They have been convinced that their investment in Trump somehow will dribble over on to themselves when he “wins.” Just like the drunk with whom I opened up this essay, he and they imagine themselves on the same plane as the multi-millionaire football players and their wanna-be-billionaire politician/reality show character. Like the football players, Trump doesn’t want anything from these people but their money and like the football players, Trump isn’t going to give them anything back for their fanaticism. Once he’s elected, they can live or die and it is no sweat off of his balls; there are millions more where they came from. Suckers are a dime a dozen in these dis-United States.
But American politics isn’t a game. Democrats and Republicans not opposing teams in a pointless physical contest in which the outcome has no real consequence. If every football player and game in history vanished from existence, the world would be the same place it is today, except slightly improved. If every professional team in every country on the planet disbanded and the players had to find real jobs, no harm no foul. Doesn’t matter. If Donald Trump and the Republican Party are allowed to keep driving the United States toward a oligarchy with a dictator at the monster’s head, everyone in this country and, very likely, every person on the planet will be worse off. If you say, “I’d rather watch soccer that to have to cheer for the Packers,” who cares? Watch soccer or don’t. When you say, “I’d rather be Russian than a democrat” (the lower case “d” is an accurate quote), you are saying you’d rather be a traitor than to reconsider your team affiliation. One of these situations is of no consequence. The other is deadly important.
No rational person ever "wins" an election. Serving the American public is the most thankless task a human can take on. Being elected to public office, for a decent law-abiding citizen, is an obligation, a call to serve, but it is not a victory of any sort. In the case of the US Presidency, the only person that job has not rapidly aged has been Donny J. Trump. The man is oblivious to responsibility and serving is what every other person in the country is supposed to be doing for him. Barak Obama went from being a young man to a very old looking, very tired old man in 8 years. The job even took a toll on G.W. Bush; but not Dick Cheney. I'm not even sure you could blame the pressure of the presidency on Reagan's decomposition. The trip from vapid to senile is a short one. But for anyone who is not in it to pack their pockets and wreak the nation like a Trump business scam, the job of president is a miserable assignment for which we will likely see fewer and fewer decent people apply. Left or right, the public won't be pleased unless everything you do turns out perfectly. Even then, they'll find something to complain about. Instead of celebrating when an election concludes, we ought to be sending the "winner" our condolences.
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