Distracting the Morons

After listening to the new collection of Republican nutballs jabbering away like a flock of demented crows, it struck me how easily the mass of Americans can be distracted from important issues. After campaigning on giving healthcare back to the insurance companies and the drug dealers and babbling about how the stimulus didn't magically fix 8 years of Bush/Cheney madness, their first big issue is . . . abortion.

Supposedly, we were warned. Maybe, but not with much intensity. Of course, anyone with a functioning memory should expect Republicans to begin the distractions as soon as they warm up their office seats. Since their mission is to lie, cheat, and steal, it's obvious that they will be pointing in the opposite direction of where the action really is. So, it's "look over here at this abortion stuff, dummy," while they are pillaging the nation's bank account and dumping the silverware into their gym bags.

Cause, let's face it, nobody in the Tea Party cares a wit about poor people having abortions; especially poor non-white people. The Teabag Ladies don't give a damn about anything poor people do, but they are big on making people do whatever dumb shit they want them to do this week.You can't top the corporate hacks behind the Tea Party Patriots when it comes to gathering up authoritarian nutsacks and getting them into robot marching formation.

As far as getting abortion under their thumb, even a dimwit like Michele Bachmann has to be smart enough to know that cat is out of the bag forever. She doesn't have to say she knows that, though. She just has to pretend to give a shit and the illiterate dimbulbs who stumble along behind her and the Bimbo F├╝hrer will keep chanting "four legs are better than two." Yeah, you can make the legal, safe medical practice of abortions illegal, just like you can make natural vegetation illegal. However, telling nature not to grow poppies, marijuana, the coca plant, the peyote cactus, rye fungus (LSD), nutmeg, psilocybin mushrooms, betel nuts, morning glory flowers, salvia, and the rest of nature's recreational bounty is an exercise in arrogance. That arrogance is made even funnier by the fact that most of the plant-banners pretend to be awed by God's brilliant plan. I firmly believe that 99.99% of modern "Christians" are every bit as atheist as me. If they weren't, they'd be very afraid of an afterlife where they have to explain why they thought God is a moron.

The abortion cat is out of the bag, up a tree, and telling all of the other cats about the holes in the bag. A quick Google search on "home abortion" (in quotes to limit the false positives) will return 25,400 hits as of today. Tomorrow, I wouldn't be surprised if another thousand resources appear. Everything from large doses of ascorbic acid to carrot seed soup to mutton marrow is supposed to cause a miscarriage. Even Wikipedia lists 14 references and more than a dozen "solutions." Toss out the doctors and the result is most likely going to be more abortions with more casualties among the mothers-not-to-be.

Legally, the Republican antiabortion stance is one of the most disingenuous arguments in human history. Not only do they not give a flying damn about 90+% of the abortions in the country, but they are tiptoeing around who is going to be criminalized if they get their way. They don't have the balls to tell girls and women that they are going to imprison, execute, or condemn them as witches for having abortions. If they did, today, they would vanish from the face of the national discussion. No, these clever fruitcakes are pretending to be caring, loving human beings while planning the kind of fanatical religious persecution history has seen so many times. Why they feel compelled to piss on our democracy when there are so many theocracies already making life miserable for those citizen-victims is beyond me. As I always ask these characters when they raise their venomous heads, why don't you move to Iran or Pakistan? Those places are exactly the science-hating, superstitious, anti-democratic, totalitarian and miserable places you claim to love so much.

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