I know, that title probably looks redundant. It probably is. However, in the last 40 years it has become increasingly obvious that almost every ethnic, mental status, stupid boss, and location joke ever written can now be easily converted to a “Republican joke.”
Here are some examples, and be honest, you know every one of these modified jokes works as it stands here:
Q: What do you do if a Republican throws a pin at you?
A: Run like hell - he's still got a hand-grenade between his teeth.
Q: What do you do if a Republican throws a hand-grenade at you?
A: Take the pin out and throw it back.
Q: How do you know if a Republican has been using a computer?
A: There's whiteout on the screen.
Q: How did the Republican mother teach her son which way to put his underwear on?
A: Yellow in the front, Brown in the back!
Q: How do you know you're flying over a Red State?
A: Toilet paper hanging on the clotheslines.
Q: Why do Republican names end in "ski" ?
A: Because they can't spell toboggan.
Q: Did you see the Republican submarine with a screen door?
A: Don't laugh, it keeps the fish out.
Q: Did you hear about the Republican Helicopter crash?
A: The pilot got cold, so he turned off the fan.
Q: How do you sink a Republican battleship?
A: Put it in water.
Q: Why did the Republican put ice in his condom?
A: To keep the swelling down.
Q: What happened to the Republican hockey team?
A: They all drowned in spring training.
Q: Why don't Republican women use vibrators?
A: It chips their teeth.
Q: Why did the Republican cross the road?
A: He couldn't get his dick out of the chicken.
Q: Why are there no Republican doctors?
A: Because you can't write prescriptions with a crayon.
Q: What’s the difference between a smart Republican and a unicorn?
A: Nothing, they're both fictional characters
Q: Did you hear about the winner of the Republican beauty contest?
A: Me neither.
Q: Why wasn't Christ born in A Red State?
A: Because they couldn't find three wise men or a virgin.
Q: How did the Yankees conquer the South so fast?
A: They marched in backwards and the Confederates thought they were leaving.
Q: How do you tell which is the groom at a Republican wedding?
A: He's the one with the clean tee-shirt.
Q: How do you get a Republican out of the bath tub?
A: Throw in a bar of soap.
Q: Why are there no ice cubes in a Red State?
A: They forgot the recipe.
Q: What happens when a Republican doesn't pay his garbage bill?
A: They stop delivering.
Q: How do you ruin a Republican party?
A: Flush the punch bowl.
Q: What happened to the Republican National Library?
A: Someone stole the book.
Q: Why did the Republican couple decide to have only 4 children?
A: They'd read in the newspaper that one out of every five babies born in the world today is Hindu.
Q: What did the Republican mother say when her daughter announced that she was pregnant?
A: "Are you sure it's yours?"
Q: Why did the Republican sell his water skis?
A: He couldn't find a lake with a hill in it.
Q: What do Republican athletes do with their gold medals?
A: Go home and got them bronzed.
Q: Did you hear in the news that a 747 recently crashed in a cemetery in a Red State?
A: The Republican officials have so far retrieved 2000 bodies.
Did you hear about the Republican family that froze to death outside a theater?
They were waiting to see the movie "Closed for the Winter."
An English guy is driving with a Republican as his passenger, when he decides to pull over because he suspects that his turn signal may not be working. He asks the Republican if he doesn't mind stepping out of the car to check the lights while he tests them. The Republician steps out and stands in front of the car. The English guy turns on the turn signal and asks, "Is it working?"
To which the Republican responds, "Yes, it's working....No, it's not working....Yes, it's working....No, it's not working...."
Did you hear about the terrible automobile accident in Georgia last night? A Republican family on vacation lost all of their children. The pickup truck they were riding in ran off the road into a lake and sank to the bottom. The parents got out of the cab OK but all the kids in the back drowned...they couldn't get the tailgate open.
Three men are traveling in the Amazon, a Socialist, a Democrat, and a Republican, and they get captured by some natives. The head of the tribe says to the Socialist, "What do you want on your back for your whipping?"
The Socialist responds, "I will take oil!" So they put oil on his back, and a large Amazon whips him 10 times. When he is finished the Socialist has huge welts on his back and he can hardly move.
The Amazons haul the Socialist away, and say to the Republican, "What do you want on your back?"
"I will take nothing!" says the Republican, and he stands there straight and takes his 10 lashings whimpering and bawling like a baby.
"What will you take on your back?" the Amazons ask the Democrat. He responds, "I'll take the Republican!"
A popular bar had a new robotic bartender installed. A guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?"
The man replied, "130." So the robot proceeded to make conversation about physics, astronomy, and so on. The man listened intently and thought, "This is impressive."
Another guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?"
The man responded, "110." So the robot started talking about the superbowl, dirt bikes, and so on. The man thought to himself, "Wow, this is really cool."
A third guy came in to the bar. As with the others, the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?"
The man replied, "80."
The robot asked, "So, which Red State are you from?"
A Republican is hired to paint the lines on the road. On the first day he paints ten miles, and his employers are amazed. But, the second day he painted just five, and on only the third day, he painted only a mile of the road. Disappointed his boss asks what the problem was. The Republican replies, "Well sir, every day I have to walk farther and farther to get back to the paint bucket."
Three prisoners, an bank robber, a car thief, and a Republican, are scheduled to be executed by firing squad. They bring out the bank robber and stand him in front of the pole. He points and shouts, "Tornado!" They all look and the bank robber runs away.
Next, they place the car thief in front of the firing squad. He yells "Earthquake!" They all hit the dust and the car thief escapes.
Next up is the Republican. He shouts "Fire!"
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